How to handle pushy in-laws

Once you and your spouse have gotten married, you are going to need to learn how to deal with your in-laws. In most cases, in-laws are fine and can be easily handled until a grandchild appears. Problems with pushy in-laws can begin when you are pregnant or they can start after the baby is born. For example, you might find yourself defending future decisions about putting your child into daycare or whether it is best to breast or bottle feed. If you are experiencing these kinds of problems now, you can only imagine what is going to happen once the baby is born. The problem is that if you ignore the behaviors of pushy in-laws while you are pregnant and wait to deal with the problem until later, you will find that the problem quickly got out of hand. The best thing you can do with pushy in-laws is to deal with the problem as soon as it presents itself.

One of the best things that you can do to deal with pushy in-laws is to take charge as early as possible. For example, if your mother-in-law expects to be in the delivery room and you feel otherwise, that needs to be handled right away. Ideally your husband should be the one to talk to his parents about being in the delivery room before the day even arrives, but in some cases that does not happen because of how pushy or controlling your mother-in-law is.
Something else that you can do to help deal with pushy in-laws is to be as polite as possible. There is no sense in causing problems with your in-laws by being rude. You can be both polite and assertive. For example, if you want to spend time alone with your husband and baby on the first day home from the hospital be assertive enough to make your decision known. If you do not act assertively and allow your in-laws to start making your decision, they will continue to make all of the decision. You want to set the pattern and establish the standards from the beginning.
In begin polite you are going to want to tell your in-laws how you feel and then offer other suggestions that can work out better for you and your family. In some cases, your in-laws are going to act upset and hurt to try to get you to change your mind, some might be trying to manipulate you, but most likely, they are hurt and upset. If this happens, you cannot change your mind you need to get tough and stand behind your decision. The best way to deal with this is politely and respectfully, but sometimes you might have to handle it in other ways. The most important thing is to establish who is in control from the beginning.
Another problem that you might face with pushy in-laws is that they just show up whenever they want. This can be a hard thing to handle because it cuts into your family time. To deal with this you need to set some ground rules from the beginning. Your in-laws need to understand that they cannot come and go freely, they need to call ahead of time to see if you are available and if them coming over works for you. Again, you cannot give in or change your plans if they act hurt or upset; you need to set a standard that in time will become a habit.
In-laws can also try to override your decisions that you make, with your spouse or with your children. If they are doing, things that are against your wishes the best thing you can do are have a serious talk with them. Tell them how you feel and that things need to change. If the behavior doesn't change, you may need to limit their contact with your family until their behavior changes. If you take this measure, be sure to tell them why you are limiting their visits, so they change their behavior.

How to not offend family members

In family relationships, some relationships are so strained that you have to worry about your actions. You need to think about you are doing or saying so that you do not offend your family members. In other cases, you might be faced with a conservative family member, who can easily be offended by things that you do or say. In family gatherings, you need to be on your best behavior so that you do not offend family members.

Here are some things that you can do to ensure that you do not offend family members through your actions or words.

Number one: Correcting
If there has been a conflict or something has been done that you do not agree with, you need to take action to talk to the person that was at fault. When talking to that person you want to make sure that you do not blame the person directly for causing the conflict, nor do you want to correct that person. Instead what you need to do is address the act or event that lead to the conflict, you can even correct the act or event that lead up to the issue.
Number two: Respond
When you are talking or discussing a problem with a family member, you need to fully listen and understand what they are saying. While they are talking, you need to avoid planning what you are going to do or say next, instead focus on what they are saying. No matter how tempted you might be, do not interrupt them, and never cut them off in your response. After they are done talking and you have understood what they have said, you can respond to what they have said. When talking to them make sure, you use a normal tone of voice and talk to them in a loving and respectful way.

Number three: Treating people
When dealing with family members you need to remember that you want to treat them the same way that you want to be treated. If you are rude and demeaning to family members you are going to offend them, but you also run the risk of having them treat you rudely. To ensure that you do not offend family members always be polite. Use words and phrases such as please, thank you, I am sorry, I was wrong, I love you, you're welcome, etc.
Number four: Disagreeing
You are not always going to agree with your family members, many times you and your family members are going to disagree about a variety of things. To ensure that you do not offend family members you need to be careful when disagreeing with them. When disagreeing with family members you want to learn how to disagree with them without being disagreeable. The best way to do that is to always be courteous and have good manners. Always make eye contact when you are talking to them and avoid being too blunt and dogmatic. Putting people down for their views is not going to help family members from being offended.
Number five: Talking
When you are talking to family members, you will need to watch what you are saying. You do not want to jump to conclusions because that can cause even more problems. When talking to your family members about something important repeat what was said so that you can verify the accuracy of what you heard. Doing this can also help you to understand what they are trying to tell you and help you talk to them in a way that they can understand. You want to avoid being rash with your words because one wrong word can offend somebody.

Sibling Rivalry Burdens

The children have erupted into another fight. Keep your cool. Sibling rivalry is quite common and usually results in fights. As long as your kids are generally happy and have a good relationship with each other, you have nothing to worry about. However, if sibling rivalry in your home is causing continuous unhappiness for one or more of your children, there are some things you can do about it. Rivalry, especially among siblings is caused by low self-esteem.

A child with sibling rivalry problems has low self-esteem and is dissatisfied with themselves. They look to their parents and siblings for validation. When a child doesn't have a very good view of themselves, they tend to believe others see them the same way and feel that others around them are better than they are. A child with low self-esteem is easily provoked and easily hurt by teasing, which happens among siblings on a regular basis. The teasing explodes into fighting when someone whose self-esteem is already low is pushed even lower.
So the question isn't what can you do about sibling rivalry, but what can you do to boost your child's self-esteem so he or she has a better relationship with their siblings? For a start, make sure all of your children receive sufficient love and one-on-one attention from you. Sufficient for one child may not be the same for another, so be sure to gauge if you are doing enough by talking to your spouse. Your spouse can sometimes see where a child needs more love or attention better than you may be able to when all you do is break up fights. Spend quality time with all of your children together and one-on-one time with all of your children separately. This makes them feel loved and accepted and also gives them a chance to open up about what may be bothering them.
When fights erupt, the worst thing you can do is scold or yell. You will be sorely tempted to lose your cool, but don't. A child whose self-esteem is low will not respond well to a parent yelling at them. You'll see more fighting, not less if you don't keep your temper when your children are fighting. When children fight, take them to separate rooms and let them cool off, then talk to them individually. Ask what they would advise if they had a friend in a similar situation. Ask what they think their sibling is thinking. Ask them what they are thinking. Once they are using their brain again rather than being run by emotion, you can bring them back together to resolve their argument peaceably. This doesn't work all the time, but the more involved you become with your children when they've been fighting, the less fighting they will do, unless they are fighting to get your attention. If that is the case, you need to go back to spending quality time with them.
Some sibling rivalry problems are actually a result of problems a child is having at school. A child knows he is in a loving and accepting environment at home, but school is a whole different ballgame. Your child can have great self-esteem at home, but when they get to school, their confidence is shot, which causes problems at home too. Go to your child's teacher and ask if your child is having problems. Ask what the teacher would do in your situation. Come up with a plan that involves your child's teacher helping to boost your child's self-esteem while they are at school.

Becoming the cool family in the neighborhood

Who doesn't want to be the cool family in the neighborhood? It is a great way to make new friends, to always know what your kids are up to, and to enjoy your free time. So, what can you do to become the "cool" family in the neighborhood? Try the following:

1. Be open to your neighbors. You can't be the cool family in the neighborhood if no one knows you. So, be the one to take the first step to get to know your neighbors. It is always a good idea to give them a call and invite them over for games, dessert, or some other activity. Additionally, be sure that you always say hi when you see them around the neighborhood, or out in public. Take the time to let them know that you notice them and care enough to acknowledge them and ask how they are doing. Getting to know them means asking questions and listening to the answers. If your neighbor says they have been out of town taking care of their sick parent, the next time you see them make sure you ask about that parent's health. People think you are cool if they feel appreciated and liked by you. So, be the cool family by being the kind of people that are open and inviting, and always welcoming people into your home, whether it is to have dinner with you, to talk about nothing, or to play a game of cards, etc.

2. Do not be judgmental. You can't be the cool family in the neighborhood if no one wants to be around you because they feel judged. If they feel looked down upon, or like you are scrutinizing their actions, they are going to avoid you. No one likes to feel like they are being looked down on. So, make sure that you are accepting of people and their differences. Sometimes this means accepting people of different race, culture, and belief into your home. You may have friends that are gay, that are Argentinean, that are from polygamist cults, or from small farm towns. The point is, you will never be the cool family if you judge people. It is okay to be somewhat exclusive, or keep people out of your home that may pose a risk to your family, etc. but it is not okay to place yourself above people. If you do, you won't be the cool family, you will be the stuck up family.
3. Be fun. Make your house fun. If you want to be the cool family, there has to be something that makes people want to spend time there. This might be a game room with pool, ping pong, and foosball, or it might just be that you play board games. The point is, you have to be fun people and make people want to be around you! Be nice, be attentive, and be genuine.
Being the cool house or the cool family is a matter of being the kind of people that others want to be around.

Can siblings be too close?

Being close to your siblings can be a great blessing. You live with them, and you are bound to them, so having a close relationship means a life long friend, and person to rely on. However, sometimes sibling relationships are just too close. So, how close is too close when it comes to siblings? Consider the following:

While it is great to share secrets and show affection to your siblings, if that secret involves sexual activity, and the closeness is incest, then it is simply too close. Incest is far more widespread than many believe, and can be as damaging, or more so than rape, and other sexually related activities, due to the nature of the relationships that are involved, as well as the way incest happens.
Incest is illegal in all of the states. It is slightly different when it comes to the definition, but the meaning is the same. It is illegal to be married to, co-inhabit, or have sexual relations with someone you are closely related to either by marriage, blood, or adoption. Many people justify their incestual behavior because they are not blood related, they are adopted, etc. However, by law, that is still incest. So be good friends with your adopted siblings, or step-siblings, but keep it as friends only.
Incest is most commonly perpetuated by males. A father or step-father with a daughter, or as mentioned, between siblings, commonly perpetuated by a brother. Like rape, there is typically a perpetrator, and a victim. However, it can be consensual, although this does not alleviate those involved from the legal consequences. Consensual or not, it is still illegal, and psychologically unhealthy.
Incest is an addictive activity, and it is found, that many who are involved in such relationships will be compulsive about it. While contact may be occasional, it can also be frequent. On average it goes on for four years. However, for some it is a one time incident. Either way, they are dangerous to your mental and physical health, and can be extremely difficult to move past, and regain a normal or healthy sexual outlook.
Incestual relationships are especially dangerous because unlike rape, and other illegal sexual activities, they do not typically begin with force or coercion. In fact, studies have shown that they typically start with an offer of affection, or an offer to educate someone, and escalate over the space of several years.
70-80% of those that participate in incest have been molested at some point, and it may be a result of their sexual frustration or confusion. Often psychological help is required to understand and move on.
So, being close to your siblings is a good thing, but remember that most cases of incest start innocently with high amounts of affection, and progress over time. Choose to be close, to get a long well, and have fun together, but keep that fun free of sexual relations.

Commitment

Commitment is a scary word to some people. Sometimes a person is not ready for commitment in a relationship, sometimes they just do not seem to understand exactly what a committed relationship is. This article discusses what commitment is, what a committed relationship is, and a few of the specifics about a committed relationship.

What is commitment?
Commitment is when a person does what they promise to do. So in a relationship, if the two people have decided that they will not date other people then for both of them to be committed neither person will date anyone else.
Unlike a promise, a commitment is not a situation specific thing. A promise is more of a little commitment and a commitment is something that a person does in any situation. For example, a committed couple will not promise not to date anyone else unless the other person they want to date has great hair.

What is a committed relationship?
This question can be a little difficult to answer. For most people, a married couple would be considered in a committed relationship. But even concerning a marriage relationship, some people in marriage do not have a committed attitude toward the relationship. And if they do not have a committed attitude about the marriage relationship they will generally display that attitude eventually.
For a couple to be in a committed relationship (whether they are dating, engaged, or married) each person in the relationship needs to be aware and understand that the relationship is a committed one. If one or both are unaware that the relationship is committed or wondering if it is, it is not a committed relationship.
Usually a couple will need to have a discussion concerning the whether or not their relationship is a committed one. For many people they refer to it as "the talk." This talk is when the relationship is discussed. If the couple has not had "the talk" yet, there is no guarantee that either person in the relationship understands whether or not it is a committed relationship.
If each person in the relationship has a different idea of how their relationship is or should be it is likely that the couple is not in a committed relationship. For a couple to be in a committed relationship they need to both be on the same page concerning their relationship. It is also a good idea for a couple to make their commitment official. If close friends and family members of the couple do not feel that the relationship is committed then it likely is not. But if a couple formalizes their relationship, they and others will know that they are committed to each other.

Some rules about a committed relationship
One of the main rules that applies to a committed relationship is that there are consequences when a partner does something wrong. For example, if a person cheats on their girlfriend or fiancé there should be consequence. Whereas, if a person goes on another date with someone different than the guy she is dating on and off, most people would not refer to that as cheating because the relationship is not a committed one.
A committed relationship takes time. A real committed relationship cannot be rushed. A couple will grow and evolve in a relationship and become committed to each other if the relationship is important enough to them. And just as a committed relationship takes time it also takes a lot of work. It is not easy. When the relationship hits a rocky point the couple does not just break up, they try hard to work through it.

Developing meaningful sibling relationships

Sibling relationships can be some of the most difficult to develop into strong, lasting, and meaningful relationships. You live in close contact with one another, you have to deal with rivalries and like situations, you are often forced into bonds with someone you may have never been friends with otherwise. Additionally, it can be difficult to get a good relationship going if you are older or younger than your sibling. There is hero-worship, the annoying younger sibling, or any number of other things that affect the way a sibling relationship develops. The following are some tips for developing a meaningful sibling relationship:

1. Spend time together. A lot of the times siblings live in the same house, and maybe eat dinner with each other over the same table, but when it comes to actual quality time together, many siblings are lacking. So, you have to make some plans to spend time together. You can sit at home on the couch to watch a movie together, or you can go out and do something together. Either way, spend some time.
2. Get to know them beyond the walls of the house. We often get to know our siblings in the context of the home, which can mean no love lost. You fight over chores, over items, and over attention, which is not something you do with friends because you do not have to share a bedroom, bathroom, or parent with your friends. So, plan some times when you can get out and have fun where yours, mine, and ours are not an issue.
3. Rely on one another. One of the biggest benefits of being siblings is having that bond that means you get to rely on one another, and that you have an unconditional type love. So, one of the best ways to develop meaningful relationships is to actually cash in on that, and rely on one another when you need to. Whether it is covering for each other to the parents, or knowing that they will spot you so can afford the movie for the weekend, or something more serious, rely on each other, and be reliable, and you will find a meaningful relationship comes much easier.
4. Play together. How do you bond with anyone, or create meaningful relationships with anyone? You do it by being together and having fun together. If you have a crazy fun experience, you will be able to draw from that when you hit some bad times, or need a friendship boost.
5. Talk, talk, talk. One of the greatest ways to develop meaningful sibling relationships is to talk. Talk about your goals, fears, loves, hates, etc. Make a habit of catching up daily, and checking on one another. This will help you stay connected, and know where you stand with each other.
Sibling relationships can be a lot of fun, especially because if you develop a good relationship it is like always being with your best friends.

Discovering parentage

These days families are always a bit confusing, and complicated. There are mixed families, adoptions, single-parents, foster families, and more. The variables are a big part of relationships being what they are. So, how do your relationships change if an adopted child, or an abandoned child discovers their true parentage? Discovering parentage can be a difficult experience, especially for the child and often for the parents.

The first thing to consider when it comes to discovering parentage is why parentage was unknown. Sometimes children are put up for adoption because the mother was single and could not handle the responsibility. Sometimes they are the product of a heinous situation, such as rape. Sometimes the parents are not capable of dealing with a child, sometimes there is death, or other circumstances. No matter the situation, there is usually a reason parentage is not known. Secrets can fester, and bad feelings can grow. So, when seeking out your parentage, find out if there was a good reason you were not told who your biological parents were. If it is a matter of your parents using an agency, and everything being handled anonymously, that is one thing, but if it is a secret, it might be best not to figure it out. Consider the consequences of unearthing a secret that has been buried for a long time.
The second thing to consider is why the child wanted to know the actual parentage in the first place. The reasons for wanting to know your biological parentage can range from needing to know your medical history, or needing a donor of something like a kidney, to simply wanting to discover yourself. What is your reason? If it is a matter of personal curiosity it is one thing. If you are suffering from a rare disease and need information about it, that is quite another. So, always ask yourself why, and what the consequences of those reasons may be.
The third thing to consider is what, if anything, will change by knowing your parentage. There are always consequences to asking questions. Find out if your life is going to be any better or worse for knowing, and what about the lives of others. Will knowing your parentage make any significant difference. Is knowing your parentage going to help you find closure? Is it going to mean seeking out your parent and spending money to track them down? You have to know if it is worth it, and what the consequences might be.
Discovering parentage can be a great way to find closure to something, or it can be a way of opening big wounds and problems. When seeking your true parentage, consider the feelings of your non-biological parents, and how they must feel at being in a sense "replaced" by someone who gave you up. Be careful that your need for answers does not jeopardize the relationships you have.

Loaning money to family

Loaning money to family spells trouble. The fact is, most people agree that while you may have a decent experience with loaning money to family, it is really never a good idea. Money has the power to get in the way of good relationships. It can cause resentment if it is not paid back. It can cause guilt that leads to isolating yourself because you aren't paying someone back, etc. So, with that said, the following are a few rules for loaning money to family.

1. Do not loan money that you can't live without. When you give a family member a loan, consider it a gift. That way if you get paid back, you will be pleasantly surprised. If you loan money to a family member with the expectation of getting it back, you are often setting yourself up for disappointment, which means that you will not be happy with them, and it may cause some problems with the relationship, and the relationships in your family.
2. Do not loan sums over $10,000. It is permissible to gift up to 10,000 to someone without it becoming a tax issue. So, when you "loan" someone money, do not lend over that amount, unless they are paying interest, otherwise, you could be in trouble with the IRS, as could they.
3. If it is an actual loan, it needs to have a contract and terms of repayment. Have a lawyer draw it up so that it is all done properly, and make sure that the terms are as clear as possible. So, if you expect a certain payment amount monthly, specific the date, late fees if they do not pay on time. If you do make up an actual loan, you have to make sure that like a bank, you check their ability to make repayment. The thing that is hard is when you do not get paid. If you expect it, and they don't there are going to be personal feelings involved. Them not paying you may take something away from your family. They may feel the same, that if they do pay you, you are taking something away from their family that they would not have the money for otherwise.
If someone in your family needs help financially, consider other ways to help them besides a loan. Maybe you can watch their child so that they can work more hours, or maybe you can make them some meals, so that they do not have to buy groceries, etc. Find ways to help that you are comfortable with, and that do not leave you at risk, and your relationship in jeopardy. Sure, you may not love babysitting for free, but it is better than giving them money from your child's education fund, or something else, and never seeing that money again. So, find a solution you can be comfortable with.

Making stepchildren feel accepted

When you have a family that is made up of stepchildren, and not first spouses, then it takes a little extra work to make your family feel like a true family. Sometimes it is easier to do the "your kids" versus "my kids" thing, but the fact is, it is better for the kids to feel accepted by both parents and have a complete family. So, what can you do to make stepchildren feel accepted?

Try the following:
1. Ask them to call you mom or dad. It is true that your stepchildren may not want to, and that it may feel awkward for them, but they are going to feel as though they are accepted if you ask them to do that. Do not force the issue, or try to replace their actual parent, but by letting them know you want to be there for them in the same way a parent would, they will feel far more accepted.
2. Treat them the same way you treat your kids. Do not show them special favor, or spoil your kids and not them, etc. Treating them differently in any way is going to make them feel like there is something different or wrong with them. No one wants to be treated differently than others, even if they like the perks of being treated better, they yearn to be treated the same. If you treat them equally to how you treat your kids, it will be as though they are your own, and that the true parentage really does not matter because you are making a go of creating a family out of the pieces of broken marriages.
3. Plan "family" activities. Help your stepchildren accepted by spending time with them as a family. Go on family vacations, have family nights, and do other family activities to reinforce the idea that you are a family, even if it is not a conventional one.
4. Love them. If you want to make your stepchildren feel accepted, they need to actually be accepted. It can be difficult to do this, especially if they are different from your own children, not as cute, if they have weird personalities, etc. However, your marriage and family will struggle if you can't find a way to accept and love your stepchildren as if they were your own. So, make efforts to focus on their positive attributes.
5. Be thoughtful when it comes to them. It is no easier for them to accept you as it is for you to accept them. So, remember their age, and that they may blame you for their family not being the same, and forgive that for the immaturity that it is. Instead, show them thoughtfulness and concern, whether they deserve it or not.
Making your stepchildren feel accepted is going to make your life better, and theirs. So, make the efforts, and wade through the difficult times together. Do what you can to help them accept you as well, no matter what age they are, or who they are. The more accepted they feel, the better off you both are.

Money in family

Money has a way of causing problems in families. It brings out the bad and good in people. It either shows generosity, or stinginess. It can lead to resentment, or gratitude. Money in families has more potential for problems than it should. The following are a few examples of how it can be problematic, and how to avoid money problems in your family.

1. Loans to family. If someone in your family is not in a position to get a loan from a bank, you probably should not loan to them either. It may be due to circumstances that are beyond their control, such as hospital bills, etc. but the fact is, loaning money to family is fraught with problems. What happens to the relationship if they do not pay you back? Will you be able to make it financially if your loan is ignored? Even if you are in the position to loan money to family, unless you can live with out it, you should never loan it. As far as family goes, consider it a gift, and if they pay you back be grateful. Otherwise you are putting yourself in a potentially volatile situation where resentment reigns, and frustration rules.
2. Working with family. When you work with family, money is involved. Sometimes it is hard for family to understand that you are their boss, or that they do not deserve more income based on their work. Family often expects to be granted promotions, raises, and other favors simply because they are family, whether their actions merit it or not. In addition, when personal problems arise, it has a way of affecting working situations. If you work with your parent, and you get in a huge fight with them, and refuse to let them see their grandkids, what do you think will happen while you are at work? It is unwise to put your financial well-being in the hands of your family. Put them in your own hands, or run the risk of ruining family relationships over money.
3. Loving people with money, or treating those without money differently can also be a huge problem within families. In your extended family, you may see some people who are better off than others. This can lead to unfair treatment. Maybe some people get better treatment than others because of their financial position. It seems that rich tend to get higher esteem than poor, and while this may be expected in society, it is extremely frustrating to deal with in a family situation, and can lead to a lot of resentment and family problems.
When it comes to family and money, the best policy is to simply keep them separate. Do not discuss your finances, do not give loans, and do not work with family. It is great to be generous with family, and to give if you have it, but do not expect things in return, and always look for non-money ways to help.

Relatives that smoke

Everyone knows that smoking is bad for the lungs, yatta yatta, but unfortunately that does not stop people from smoking. While it is a personal choice, it can affect others beyond yourself. The dangers of second-hand smoke are nearly as bad, and in some cases worse than actual smoking. This can pose a problem for someone who has relatives that smoke, especially if they have children, or you do. The concern for your children's well-being, as well as your own can be very real. So, if your relatives smoke, and invite you to come over, or come to your house frequently, what can you do?

1. Set some ground rules. Because smoking is a real health concern, your relatives should not be overly offended if you ask them not to smoke around you or your children. It is your life, and your children, and your home, so setting rules regarding those things is your prerogative. You will want to go about it nicely, but be sure to go about it. Make some simple rules for them, which might include the following:
a. You will not smoke in my, or my children's presence. This is to avoid second hand smoke, but can also be a way of preventing your child from taking them as a role model, or justifying trying smoking because their grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc. smokes.
b. You will not smoke in my home. This may be to prevent the permeating smell of smoking from ruining your furniture, walls, and carpet. It also falls under the category of health.
2. Be courteous. Usually people know that smoking is unhealthy, and want to quit, but find the addiction too difficult to overcome. So, while it is your prerogative to forbid them from smoking around your children, and in your home, you should be considerate of them as well. If they want you to visit, and you just can't handle it because their home smells like smoke, you do not have to tell them that. Instead, get a hotel nearby, and visit often, but let them know you enjoy your own space, and that it is no bother to get a hotel. This means you do not have to deal with the smoking or smell, and they still get to see you and the kids. Telling someone that you won't associate with them because they smoke is really unfair. If they refuse to follow the rules, then it is wise, but if they promise not to smoke in the presence of your kids, etc. then remember it is an addiction, and that it is not easily overcome.
3. Teach your family differently. One of the biggest fears for parents who have relatives that smoke is that their children will follow the example. It is hard to teach a child that you love the person, not their actions, but it is worth stressing that your child is going to run into smokers their whole life, and it is your responsibility to teach them not to smoke, even if people they know and love do. It can be a great lesson to learn, especially if they see the negative effects smoking has on someone they are close to.

Seeing more than someone's faults

Seeing someone's faults is easy. Name a person and I can tell you in a matter of minutes the things about them that I do not like. We all have this canny ability to recognize all of the bad in people, however, this article focuses on how to see more than someone's faults, and start seeing their good qualities and attributes as well. The following are five things you can do see more in someone than their faults:

1. Taking time to get to know them. You will never be able to see past someone's faults if you do not get to know who they are. Faults are easier to spot than good attributes, so if you want to find those, you have to look deeper than the surface. The reason many people do not is that it takes effort and a lot of hard work. However, it can be a really enjoyable process as well. You can have a lot of fun in the process while hanging out, and doing things you both enjoy.
2. Spending time with them in many different situations. Have you ever been caught in a bad day? Would you like that one situation or day to be what defines you forever? No, so be very careful not to do that to others. Give them a chance to show you their other sides. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt, and spend time with them under various circumstances, so that you can see past their faults, and their reactions, to who they actually are. If you see them in their best element it will be easy to spot their positive qualities, so give yourself and them that chance.
3. Look for the best in them. If you want to see beyond someone's faults, you have to look for it. So, keep your eye open for things other than their faults. It is easy to pounce on someone's problems, but unless you make their positive attributes your focus, then you won't find them.
4. Ask them what they like about themselves. If you are having trouble getting through their faults to see things that are positive, ask them what they think their positive traits are. What you might see as stubbornness, and think is a bad thing, they might look at as a good thing because it might mean sticking to their beliefs. If you listen to what they like about themselves, you can take cues from it, and figure out that you like that too.
5. Have fun together. It is easy to see someone's faults if the time you spend with them is uncomfortable, or unhappy. However, when you are out having fun, and you seriously enjoy their company, it is harder to remember their faults.
It is not always easy to find things you like in others, but it is worth taking the time to stop looking at people's faults, and start looking for the good in them.

Sexual abuse in the family

When families experience something like sexual abuse, it can be an extremely difficult situation. A male member, either the father or a brother, perpetrates most sexual abuse in families. Because it is family, many of the victims of sexual abuse are afraid to blow the whistle. They do not want to be the reason their family is torn apart, or their father goes to prison. No matter how poor the logic is, as it is the fault of the perpetrator, not the victim, this is the common problem.

Because of the lack of reporting it, most sexual abuse in families will go on for years, the average being a two year span, but some much more. The degree of sexual abuse changes with each case. In some cases the molestation is mild, touching, caresses, and the like. In others it is severe, including penetration, and sometimes impregnation.
Unfortunately, most sexual abuse happens with someone you know and are familiar with. While there are certainly cases of rape out there, the subtle, and more mental forms of sexual abuse almost always occur with a person the victim is familiar with, which is why it is so difficult for them to understand what is happening, and put a stop to it.
Sexual abuse in families generally starts out as a show of affection. A brother may get in bed with his sister during a storm, under the pretense of comfort. This "innocent" comforting may go on for a while, and start to escalate, with hugging, kissing, touching, and eventually intercourse. Because it is a gradual process, most perpetrators have the chance to work a mental warfare on the victim as well. They convince them that it is not wrong, that it is simply comfort, and expressing affection. They may tell them that it is their duty to perform sexual acts etc. For example, a girl's mother may be sick and unable to please her father, and so the father may tell her that the duty falls to her to make sure he is happy.
The sense of "duty" or "honor" and the family ties often lead to years of sexual abuse; abuse that may never be over completely, and only stops for a time because the victim moves out to go to college, etc.
Most victims of sexual abuse in their families will isolate themselves. They know in their hearts that the situation is wrong, and so in fear of a friend finding out what is going on, they distance themselves from all friends, and eventually have none. This leads to it being even more difficult to end the abuse because they feel isolated and alone, and worry that no one will believe them, or support them.
If you or someone you know is suffering from sexual abuse in their family, it is critical that you help them put a stop to it. It is a difficult situation, and the victim is not usually in a place mentally to handle it, but there is help out there. A great example is the Into the Light helpline for children who are victims of sexual abuse. To contact them, or another group for support look them up.

Strong parent child relationships

Having a strong parent child relationship can really make it easier to parent, and to guide your child to the kind of life you wish them to live. However, like with every relationship, it can be difficult to find the right balance. The following is a look at some tips for how to develop a strong parent child relationship.

Tip one: Know where to draw the line. Being a friend and a cool parent is great, enjoy concerts together, shopping, playing video games, etc. but encouraging your child to drink, take drugs, or enabling their bad habits is crossing the line, and will undermine the parent child relationship rather than strengthen it. Make sure your child knows that while you want to have a fun relationship with them and be their friend, you are their parent first.
Tip two: Set boundaries. While your child may relish the idea of having all kinds of freedom to do what they please, good parent child relationships include rules, boundaries, and consequences that are attached to the said rules. You can let your children go out at night with their friends, but they should be back by a reasonable hour. You can give your child free reign when it comes to when they do their homework, for example, let them do it when they want rather than on your time line, but if they start ignoring it and their grades drop, you step in. The list goes on. The idea is that your kids should have freedoms, and be allowed to make choices, but within acceptable boundaries. Rules show your child you love them enough to not let them screw up their life.
Tip three: Have fun with your child. Parenting can seem like endless rebukes, enforcing rules, and hounding your kids about their choices. It can be difficult to get a good relationship with your child when most of your interaction seems to be negative in nature. So, improve the relationship, and help make it strong by mixing a fair amount of good and fun into the parenting. Let them know they have to spend time with the family, but make that time fun. Take your kids to movies, the beach, to do things they enjoy, etc. Life does not have to be all work and no play, and your family and child or children are the best people to play with.
These three ingredients are going to make a huge difference in the strength of your parent child relationship. Take the time to sit down with your child and establish rules they will follow, and consequences that will be enforced when those rules are broken. Then, be sure to have fun with them, talk to them, and know what is going on in their life. As a parent it is your job to make sure they are not engaged in things that will hurt them, damage their future, or inhibit their potential.

Theft in relationships

Relationships are always going to be somewhat complex. There are going to be things that upset the balance of things, cause fights, problems, and upsets. There are also going to be the times when things are going really well. So, what do you do when you experience theft in your relationships? Consider the following:

1. Relationships are based on trust, and theft is a severe breach of that trust. Whether your sister, father, or significant other steals from you, theft breaches trust. In your relationship, the person should be able to come to you and ask you for money, items, etc. if they need them, not take them from you. Theft has a way of undermining years of trust, and making you weary, and uncertain around the person. It does not matter what they steal or why, theft dooms a relationship because it kills the one thing required for a relationship to truly be healthy.
2. There is not a good reason for theft. Theft is a serious offense, and if you wanted to report it, they could get a criminal record for it. Even if the theft is small, it is illegal and immoral to take something that does not belong to you without permission, whether it is money or an item. If the person you have a relationship tries to justify their theft, you need to remember that it is a character flaw, and let them know that in relationships you require honesty, and that you expect someone to be able to come to you and ask if they need something. This does not mean you will always give them what they ask for, but that you will not tolerate someone stealing from you, especially someone you have a relationship with. You have to put your foot down, or it will happen again and again.
3. Decide what your line is. If you are okay with them stealing small things from you, what will stop them from stealing larger things. If they are willing to take $10 from your wallet or purse, what would stop them from taking $10,000? The point is, theft is theft, and if you justify or allow "small theft" larger thefts will eventually happen. Usually thieves escalate. The relationship may be important enough to you to forgive a theft, but never make it okay. As soon as you do, you ruin your relationship and condemn it to always being subject to the breach of trust, and the insecurity of never knowing if the relationship is real, or if you are being used.
It is unfortunate, but true that people tend to steal from those they know. It is easier, they have better access to things, and are less likely to be reported or punished for it. However, it is a poison to relationships, and should not be tolerated. Report it to the police, put your foot down, and let them know you love them, but not their actions, and that you will not support such actions, or sit by idly and allow them to happen.

When you miss family

The bond some families have is so strong it can stand the test of time and distance, but that does not mean you won't miss your family. In life there are all kinds of reasons we end up far away from family, from jobs, school, missions, etc. But the one thing in common for most people is that they eventually start to miss their family. No matter how exciting or new the place is, when you are away from family, even for a short time, you may miss them. The following are some tips for coping:

1. Journal. A fun way to stay connected and not miss out on what is going on with your family when you are separated is to keep a journal of events and thoughts. This is not like your personal journal, this is more like a record of your day, time, and big deal things. So, this way your family member can read it when they get back, and they won't feel like they missed anything. They won't need any catching up because you will have it all written down for them. An example entry may look like this:
Went to the zoo today, left late, of course, and when we got there it was freezing cold. Most of the animals were indoors, so it just looked like a bunch of empty enclosures. We still had fun though. Not many people were there, so we goofed off, sang silly songs, and rode the carousel.
2. Skype. When you have to be away from your family, it helps if you can talk to them and see them. A great way to do this without expensive flights, and long distance phone charges is to use Skype. It is a program for computer chat, that uses webcams to allow you to talk. It is free, easy to use, and makes for a fun way to see everyone while you talk and catch up.
3. Social networking. While this is not as personal, it does give you a decent sense of what is going on in people's lives, and allows you to see pictures, events, comments, etc. So, when you can't be with your family, you can still communicate (despite time differences), with notes on walls, instant messages, messages, photos, and the like through social networking sites.
4. Emails and letters. A good old fashioned letter is a wonderful way to communicate with family when you miss them. An email is great as well. Send a little note or update about yourself, ask them about them, and you don't have to feel so far away. People who were separated from those they love have communicated like this for years, so use it, it works!
5. Phone and text. Most everyone has cell phones, and text messaging, so use it. It can be hard to carry on a phone conversation with someone you haven't seen in a long time, but it is possible, so call to say hi, or tell them about your day, or send them a joke through text just to stay connected.

Working with family

We all have work, and we all have family, and on their own they can be wonderful. However, sometimes mixing the two can be a nightmare. Most people would caution against working with family. However, there are ways to make it work. Just as any relationship, you can make a working relationship work with family, as long as you follow some rules of conduct. Consider the following:

1. It is professional, but no one can completely separate his or her personal and professional life, so you should not expect someone to. If you do, you are set up for disappointment, and problems. So, if you do not think that working with someone because of personal feelings may conflict with your ability to act professionally, then do not work with them. If someone is going to use personal feelings and problems to blackmail you into higher pay, more time off, or something else, then do not work with them.
2. No favoritism. When working with family, the thing you have to be the most careful about is not favoring family. This is especially important if you are in a position of management, or make decisions regarding pay rates or something else that could be construed as favoritism. It is difficult not to give a little favoritism to family, but be careful that no one else is getting the shaft because of it. For example, do not give a lousy employee extra shifts because they are family, and exclude a good employee from the extra shifts they want.
3. Don't get involved with large amounts of money. Money has a power over people and can make them do stupid things. So, if you want to maintain the relationship, and have happy business dealings, do not get involved with family with large amounts of money. If you want to invest with family, or work with them involving money, only use the money you can manage to lose.
4. Set up professional, legal contracts. It can't hurt, and it keeps everyone being fair and honest, so that personal grudges and problems can't get in the way of you having a job. If you work for your parent, and you get in a fight over how they cut your child's, their grandchild's. hair, would you want your job to be at risk? The point is that if you want to feel safe in your job when working with family, make it a legal contract.
5. Know whom you can work with and whom you can't. Some family is too sensitive, or too confrontational to work with. It can mean a large headache with the guilt factor in that if you fire someone, or reduce their wage, they will not be able to make their bills, and the family will blame you for leaving them destitute.
The rules of working with family are strict and difficult to follow, and it is like working in a mine field, one wrong step can not only affect your relationship, but your business. So, avoid working with family.

Creating sibling bonds

Do you see friends who are really close with their brothers or sisters and wonder what you can do to create such good friendships with your own. Sibling friendships and bonds often take a great deal of work to keep in a happy state, and other times come naturally and easily. Regardless of what the situation is for you, having a sibling to whom you are close can really benefit your life. Here are some tips for helping to create sibling bonds:

1. Shared experiences: Often the best way to bond with someone is to share something with them. Sometimes people who go through a terrible experience are bonded together and remain in touch their whole lives as a result. You do not need bad experiences to bond with siblings, but experiences in general. The more you share, the more your memories, and identities are intertwined.
2. Work together, play together: If you want strong bonds with your siblings, you need to have experiences on all ends of the spectrum. It is hard to really like someone when the only capacity you ever share with them is doing chores, etc. So, make sure that you spend time together doing fun things, as well as the normal, everyday, and even often difficult or challenging, tedious, or boring things. It helps you get to know people well, and figure out what it is about them that makes them tick.
3. Don't force it: No one is going to be forced into friendship. Siblings may not be the best matches, but if you try to hard a friendship and strong bonds are never going to happen. Let things occur naturally. The more you spend quality time together and have shared experiences, the easier it will be.
4. Find common ground: Sometimes siblings have a hard time being friends because they have such different interests. So, one helpful thing is to focus on the things you do have in common. You need to seek common ground, and make the most of it. If you both love a specific television show, make a point of watching it together. If you both love ice cream, start a ritual of eating it together and scooping about your day. The point is, if you have something in common, your bond can grow from there.
5. Be kind: Often in families we feel like we can do and say whatever we want because it is family. This can be to blame for your sibling relationships not being as close as you would like. Remember that just because they are family does not give you license to be rude, insensitive, or unkind. Instead, treat them as you would someone outside your family, you will find that it can greatly improve a relationship. There are times to be honest, but always treat your siblings with the respect you would treat a friend of someone unknown to you.

Extended family getting you down?

Extended family can be a real frustration. It is never easy to deal with extended family, but if they are getting you down, then here are some tips for dealing with the frustrations and challenges of extended family, as there are sure to be some:

1. Identify the problem. What is really bothering you about your extended family? Are they expecting you to do too much? Are they always letting you down? Are they pushy or rude? The fact is, often family is not considerate of one another. It is like the closer you are to someone, the less polite you have to be to them. They also often take one another for granted. They just expect your kind gestures, or your favors, as if it is something you owe them. Everyone with a family has gone through this. The point is, instead of letting it get you down, do something about it. You have to know what it is that is bothering you if you want to fix the problem. So, start out by evaluating the source of your feelings and figuring out what is at the root of them.
2. Determine the best course of action. Sometimes with family the best course of action is to simply stand up and say what you feel. Other times, a bit more tact and maneuvering is required. You have to determine based on your problem what the best course of action might be. For example, if you feel taken for granted, then simply let the people who take you for granted know that is how you feel. Tell them you want a little more appreciation for your efforts and sacrifices. If that does not work, you could try another approach. Quit making those efforts and sacrifices for a time, and see if they start to notice. Usually moms feel taken for granted. They cook, they clean, they keep everything together, etc. so when someone needs socks, they just assume they need to open their drawer to find them. So, if mom stops doing that, then they might notice. Just remember, that sometimes you end up changing yourself and not the people you want to change, so be careful about that. You do not want to end up a selfish person just because people weren't thanking you enough, do you?
3. Look for distance and do some talking. Sometimes the best thing you can do when extended family gets you down is take a break from them. If you are spending too much time with them, it can get overwhelming, and their life becomes too entwined with yours. Their dramas affect you, and their problems. So, often, the best thing you can do is take a two week break. This does not mean ignore them, just give yourself some space so that you do not have to spend every moment on the phone or at their home, etc. Then, do some talking to sort out any leftover problems that time and space can't cure.

When family won't help

Family is supposed to be the people who are there for you and do things for you because you are family. So, what do you do when your family won't seem to help you out? It can be incredibly frustrating and hurtful when family doesn't seem to want to be part of your life or aid you in any way. Because of the idea that family is supposed to be the people you can rely on, often when a family turns down your request for help, it is far more frustrating and hurtful than when a friend does not want to help. Here are a few tips:
1. Explain your feelings. Let's say you have kids and ask a family member to help you out and watch them for an event or something you have going on that kids can't attend. If they turn you down, it is a good idea to tell them how you feel. Sometimes a few words can really change the situation, "I feel like you never want to see or spend time with my children, and it can be really frustrating to me when you won't help me out when I really need it. " They may have a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they can't help you. This is understandable, but occasionally, after several refusals to help, it can start to feel pointed. By letting them know that you feel that way, you give them a chance to clear things up, and help you feel better about it. If they do not take that chance, then maybe they do not feel a responsibility to the bond of family like you do. They may not like your children, or maybe there are selfish and refuse to be put out no matter who it is. You won't know if you do not get your feelings out there.
2. Define expectations. It is important in family relationships to be on the same page as far as what you expect. For example, if you expect grandparents to attend events for your child simply because they are grandparents, they should be made aware of that. If you expect siblings to take time out of their weekend to help you move, it is a good idea if you let them know that in advance. Sometimes the hurt that comes when a family neglects to help you in a time of need comes from a miscommunication of expectations. You can't know unless your expectations are clear.
3. Recognize that not everyone holds the same ideals. You may be willing to bend over backwards to help your family if they need it, but that does not mean your family members feel the same way. You may not be a top priority in their life. This does not feel good, but it is a good things to recognize so that you can change your expectations and not continue to be hurt by their lack of help.
Family is not always as ideal as we would like, and they may end up hurting you by not caring enough to help. Just remember what you would like from them, and give that in return, regardless of how they treat you.

Fighting with family

Fighting with family sucks. No one wants to be in a fight with the people who they are supposed to be able to count on the most. However, often our families are the people we interact with the most. As a result, they are the ones who get the brunt of our bad moods, our insecurities flaring up, etc. Often, because we are dealing with family, we are less thoughtful, and quicker to anger or other damaging emotions.

The reasons family fights happen are plentiful, and often boil down to the simple idea that we often take liberties with family that we would not take with others because it is family. We may not treat friends the same way, or co-worker, etc as that could damage a relationship, but with family, the relationship is forced, and so often the relationship suffers.
What can you do when you are in a fight with family? You can start by taking a step back and evaluating your personal behaviors. Do not consider what they did, or whether or not you can justify your own behavior, simple ask yourself whether or not you would do or say the same things to someone who is not family. Would you guilt trip a friend for not helping you move because they have work? Would you say hurtful things to a neighbor if they spilled coffee on your shirt? The point is, evaluate your own behavior and ask yourself if there is room for improvement with how you treat your family.
You may be fighting for perfectly good reasons, and have every reason in the world to be angry, hurt, etc. But, if your actions were out of line, start by rectifying that. Next, give yourself some distance if need be. One of the best cures to family drama is simply having a little time away. Because family is close, and you live with them, and tread on one another's toes every day, it can be hard to work through the hurt and frustration of a fight, especially if there are reminders of the wrong doing all around you. So, take a break. Take a time out from your family. A little time apart, a little distance, a little separation of lives can go a long way in letting tempers calm, and feelings settle.
Lastly, work it out because it is family. It may suck. They may have been really out of line. You may have every reason in the world to hold a grudge, or never want to speak to your family member again, but it is family, which is enough incentive to figure things out. So, put your pride aside, and do what you need to in order to repair the problem and the relationship so that the problem does not continue to persist in the relationship. Pride does not taste good, but family is just that.family, and the relationship is worth preserving.

Friendships with family are not always easy

Your family members might be some of your closest friends, but all too often, they can become bitter enemies, or at least far from friendly. We often find that we treat our family members poorly, and as a result, real friendships with family members can be difficult, strained, or stressful.

We sometimes treat our family poorly. This is a fact, but it does not make it right.
Why we do this:
Too close. When you have at your disposal an arsenal of knowledge about what someone does, who they are, what makes them tick, and probably the most dangerous, what their insecurities are, it is easy to cross lines and boundaries. Why? Because we may not even realize we are crossing them. When someone is family, you know so much about them, that hurting them is an easy task. You can pin point their weaknesses, and prey on them quickly and easily.
Too easy. Family is easy to prey on, and hard to be friends with because you are around them, you have to share everything with them, they know your secrets, and you theirs. Thus, it is easy to treat them bad because the opportunities are ample, and the ammunition ample as well.
Expect unconditional forgiveness. Often, we do not gauge the severity of our words or actions as we would with a friend because we have this expectation of unconditional forgiveness because it is family. Family is stuck together, and so we lapse into thinking that it doesn't matter how we treat them, they are stuck with us anyway.
Being friends with your family members can make life a lot more enjoyable, and make life easier. One should always strive to build good, happy relationships with their family, and make those bonds as close as family should be, and as fun and desired as friendships.
Imagine how much better the time you spend with family over holidays, weekends, and the other times through out the year, would be if you were surrounded by friends? It is a good thing to think about. You may not be able to choose your family, or the additions that come to it through marriage and birth, but you can choose whether or not you will make the most of the situation, or make it hard on yourself.
You would not willingly spend hours in the company of people you do not consider friends if you could help it, so why make it any different with family? Why not build friendships with them, the same way you do with others, by talking, sharing experiences, looking for common ground, etc.
Being friends with family members is not always easy. You are more vulnerable because they know more about you. It can be difficult because chances are there are things about them that drive you crazy, and you would not pick in a friend. However, they probably feel the same way about you. So, get over it, and become friends with your family. It is well worth it.

Know yourself, for better, more meaningful relationships

If you know yourself better, you will have better, more meaningful relationships. The fact is, people who aren't sure who they are, what they want in life, etc. are the people who can't seem to get relationships right. They get upset when their partner does not provide them what they want, but they can't define what they want, so it is an impossible task.

The following are a few tips for getting to know yourself better, and thus being able to have more meaningful, fulfilling relationships:
Tip one: Get definitive. You may not know what you want, but you know what you don't want. Start with that. You can exclude the things in your life you don't want, and by doing so better shape what you do want. This applies to all aspects of your life, your careers, the characteristics in a partner, the food you eat for lunch.
Tip two: Start a journal. A journal is a personal book where you get to be the real you. It is assumed no one else will read it, and so you do not have to affect anything, or pretend to care about things you don't care about. Your thoughts and feelings in your journal are usually as good an insight into yourself as any. Of course, they may be tainted by what other people think and feel, and have influenced you to think and feel, or they might just be the real you. Go back and reread your entries, and start keeping a daily log of your feelings. As an added benefit, it is therapeutic.
Tip three: Define your beliefs, and why you believe them. It is important to know what you believe, and discover why you believe that. If you believe all mankind is inherently good, then you may find yourself getting taken advantage of regularly. If you believe that no matter what you do, your path is set, you may find it hard to make good choices. The point is, if you can define your belief set, you will understand better how and why you interact with people the way you do. This can be a huge help for making your relationships healthier.
Tip four: Start paying attention to your thoughts when you are by yourself. These can give you real insight to who you are. How do you react when you hear good news? What about when you hear bad?
Tip five: Identify your natural talents. Learning what you have a natural ability to do can help you know yourself better. As you develop those natural talents, you gain an even greater understanding of yourself. If you want to have healthy relationships, it is important to be healthy yourself. This is an excellent way to start down that path, learning to appreciate your own abilities and foster them.
When you are in touch with yourself, you will find that your relationships are more meaningful and better.

Kate Moss is back!

 

Salvatore Ferragamo has released the first images from its Fall/Winter 2012 advertising campaign, which stars British supermodel Kate Moss.
During the fashion shoot, the model made it clear why she has taken the second spot on the Forbes Rich List with earnings estimated at $9.2 million. In the campaign, the 38-year-old British supermodel is seen sprawled across plush couches oozing Czar-like charm, if there is such a thing.
The campaign was shot by Mikael Jansson in Berlin's prestigious Russian embassy. The surroundings, which includes ornate décor, transports viewers into a world of elegance and style.
Moss is joined by models Karmen Pedaru and Sean O'Pry as they display Creative Director Massimiliano Giornett's Autumn-Winter collection.

 

The 10 Worst Dressed Cities in the World

Just recently, a popular fashion blog „Bows-n-Ties.com“, published a series highlighting „the ten worst-dressed cities in the world“, which included Helsinki, Maui, Ottawa, Sydney and Bucharest among others.
“I think it’s important for us to convey the fact that we’re not publishing these series’ to hurt anyone’s feelings or cause controversy,” says Bows-n-Ties.com founder Hendrik Pohl.
“The ‘worst-dressed’ pieces are all in good fun, while the ‘best-dressed’ articles typically focus on all that is good in the industry at the moment. It’s all about presenting as many sides as possible in order to paint a clear picture of modern fashion.”
Below are the TOP 10 international cities that they view as biggest fashion offenders.
The TOP 10 Worst Fashion Offending Cities
1. Beijing
2. Bucharest
3. Dublin
4. Hamilton Ontario
5. Helsinki
6. Manchester
7. Maui
8. Ottawa
9. Reykjavik
10. Sydney

 

BILL BLASS: EXIT, RUNWAY LEFT

In one fell swoop, Bill Blass has canceled their New York Fashion Week show and fired designer Jeffrey Monteiro and the rest of the women’s design staff.
According to a report by Women’s Wear Daily, Scott Patti, President of the Bill Blass Group, told Monteiro that next month’s show had been canceled and the women’s collection would not be going forward.
“Patti later handed out pink slips one by one and told employees they were ‘free to go.’ There was no explanation or mention of severance packages,” an ex-staffer alleged.
For those keeping score, Monteiro is the fifth women’s designer to depart from the company since 1999. Over the past several years, the label has struggled to maintain relevancy among lovers of high-end women’s wear.

 

The Chanel planet

Today is Coco Chanel's birthday! With her trademark suits and little black dresses, Coco Chanel created timeless designs that are still popular today. Happy Birthday, Coco Chanel!
If you go to Paris, you should stop by the Chanel Boutique, located in the legendary 31 Rue Cambon. Naturally, one could chat about the Chanel stores and tweedy suits all night long, but it will be enough to say that Rue Cambon is something more than just an address for Chanel store filled with handbags designed by Carl Lagerfeld’s assistants and Chanel no. 5, the 10th world’s most expensive perfume sold for €170 per bottle.
It is the house of mademoiselle Coco Chanel herself. Rumour has it though, that Coco had never spent a night in the several-floor apartments above the store. For throughout the thirty years she would stay in a nearby luxurious hotel Ritz. Nevertheless, Rue Cambon apartments remained as it were at the time when the flighty designer used to come back from the Ritz in the mornings.
The ground floor, now occupied by the Chanel boutique, still has the spectacular mirrored staircase featured in every movie ever cretaed about Chanel, and when you climb upstairs you reach the astonishing world of Coco Chanel interiors.
Her personal sitting room, still predominated with the art deco, stores a number of items from the Coco collection: glass figures, crystal balls, stuffed deers, books, luxurious armchairs upholstered in flowered and beige gobelin, as well as the legendary modern sofa designed by mis Chanel herself, 18th-century crystal chandelier, Chinese screens and other extravagant details...
"You live but once; you might as well be amusing." - said Coco Chanel.