When family won't help

Family is supposed to be the people who are there for you and do things for you because you are family. So, what do you do when your family won't seem to help you out? It can be incredibly frustrating and hurtful when family doesn't seem to want to be part of your life or aid you in any way. Because of the idea that family is supposed to be the people you can rely on, often when a family turns down your request for help, it is far more frustrating and hurtful than when a friend does not want to help. Here are a few tips:
1. Explain your feelings. Let's say you have kids and ask a family member to help you out and watch them for an event or something you have going on that kids can't attend. If they turn you down, it is a good idea to tell them how you feel. Sometimes a few words can really change the situation, "I feel like you never want to see or spend time with my children, and it can be really frustrating to me when you won't help me out when I really need it. " They may have a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they can't help you. This is understandable, but occasionally, after several refusals to help, it can start to feel pointed. By letting them know that you feel that way, you give them a chance to clear things up, and help you feel better about it. If they do not take that chance, then maybe they do not feel a responsibility to the bond of family like you do. They may not like your children, or maybe there are selfish and refuse to be put out no matter who it is. You won't know if you do not get your feelings out there.
2. Define expectations. It is important in family relationships to be on the same page as far as what you expect. For example, if you expect grandparents to attend events for your child simply because they are grandparents, they should be made aware of that. If you expect siblings to take time out of their weekend to help you move, it is a good idea if you let them know that in advance. Sometimes the hurt that comes when a family neglects to help you in a time of need comes from a miscommunication of expectations. You can't know unless your expectations are clear.
3. Recognize that not everyone holds the same ideals. You may be willing to bend over backwards to help your family if they need it, but that does not mean your family members feel the same way. You may not be a top priority in their life. This does not feel good, but it is a good things to recognize so that you can change your expectations and not continue to be hurt by their lack of help.
Family is not always as ideal as we would like, and they may end up hurting you by not caring enough to help. Just remember what you would like from them, and give that in return, regardless of how they treat you.

Know yourself, for better, more meaningful relationships

If you know yourself better, you will have better, more meaningful relationships. The fact is, people who aren't sure who they are, what they want in life, etc. are the people who can't seem to get relationships right. They get upset when their partner does not provide them what they want, but they can't define what they want, so it is an impossible task.

The following are a few tips for getting to know yourself better, and thus being able to have more meaningful, fulfilling relationships:
Tip one: Get definitive. You may not know what you want, but you know what you don't want. Start with that. You can exclude the things in your life you don't want, and by doing so better shape what you do want. This applies to all aspects of your life, your careers, the characteristics in a partner, the food you eat for lunch.
Tip two: Start a journal. A journal is a personal book where you get to be the real you. It is assumed no one else will read it, and so you do not have to affect anything, or pretend to care about things you don't care about. Your thoughts and feelings in your journal are usually as good an insight into yourself as any. Of course, they may be tainted by what other people think and feel, and have influenced you to think and feel, or they might just be the real you. Go back and reread your entries, and start keeping a daily log of your feelings. As an added benefit, it is therapeutic.
Tip three: Define your beliefs, and why you believe them. It is important to know what you believe, and discover why you believe that. If you believe all mankind is inherently good, then you may find yourself getting taken advantage of regularly. If you believe that no matter what you do, your path is set, you may find it hard to make good choices. The point is, if you can define your belief set, you will understand better how and why you interact with people the way you do. This can be a huge help for making your relationships healthier.
Tip four: Start paying attention to your thoughts when you are by yourself. These can give you real insight to who you are. How do you react when you hear good news? What about when you hear bad?
Tip five: Identify your natural talents. Learning what you have a natural ability to do can help you know yourself better. As you develop those natural talents, you gain an even greater understanding of yourself. If you want to have healthy relationships, it is important to be healthy yourself. This is an excellent way to start down that path, learning to appreciate your own abilities and foster them.
When you are in touch with yourself, you will find that your relationships are more meaningful and better.