How to handle pushy in-laws

Once you and your spouse have gotten married, you are going to need to learn how to deal with your in-laws. In most cases, in-laws are fine and can be easily handled until a grandchild appears. Problems with pushy in-laws can begin when you are pregnant or they can start after the baby is born. For example, you might find yourself defending future decisions about putting your child into daycare or whether it is best to breast or bottle feed. If you are experiencing these kinds of problems now, you can only imagine what is going to happen once the baby is born. The problem is that if you ignore the behaviors of pushy in-laws while you are pregnant and wait to deal with the problem until later, you will find that the problem quickly got out of hand. The best thing you can do with pushy in-laws is to deal with the problem as soon as it presents itself.

One of the best things that you can do to deal with pushy in-laws is to take charge as early as possible. For example, if your mother-in-law expects to be in the delivery room and you feel otherwise, that needs to be handled right away. Ideally your husband should be the one to talk to his parents about being in the delivery room before the day even arrives, but in some cases that does not happen because of how pushy or controlling your mother-in-law is.
Something else that you can do to help deal with pushy in-laws is to be as polite as possible. There is no sense in causing problems with your in-laws by being rude. You can be both polite and assertive. For example, if you want to spend time alone with your husband and baby on the first day home from the hospital be assertive enough to make your decision known. If you do not act assertively and allow your in-laws to start making your decision, they will continue to make all of the decision. You want to set the pattern and establish the standards from the beginning.
In begin polite you are going to want to tell your in-laws how you feel and then offer other suggestions that can work out better for you and your family. In some cases, your in-laws are going to act upset and hurt to try to get you to change your mind, some might be trying to manipulate you, but most likely, they are hurt and upset. If this happens, you cannot change your mind you need to get tough and stand behind your decision. The best way to deal with this is politely and respectfully, but sometimes you might have to handle it in other ways. The most important thing is to establish who is in control from the beginning.
Another problem that you might face with pushy in-laws is that they just show up whenever they want. This can be a hard thing to handle because it cuts into your family time. To deal with this you need to set some ground rules from the beginning. Your in-laws need to understand that they cannot come and go freely, they need to call ahead of time to see if you are available and if them coming over works for you. Again, you cannot give in or change your plans if they act hurt or upset; you need to set a standard that in time will become a habit.
In-laws can also try to override your decisions that you make, with your spouse or with your children. If they are doing, things that are against your wishes the best thing you can do are have a serious talk with them. Tell them how you feel and that things need to change. If the behavior doesn't change, you may need to limit their contact with your family until their behavior changes. If you take this measure, be sure to tell them why you are limiting their visits, so they change their behavior.

How to not offend family members

In family relationships, some relationships are so strained that you have to worry about your actions. You need to think about you are doing or saying so that you do not offend your family members. In other cases, you might be faced with a conservative family member, who can easily be offended by things that you do or say. In family gatherings, you need to be on your best behavior so that you do not offend family members.

Here are some things that you can do to ensure that you do not offend family members through your actions or words.

Number one: Correcting
If there has been a conflict or something has been done that you do not agree with, you need to take action to talk to the person that was at fault. When talking to that person you want to make sure that you do not blame the person directly for causing the conflict, nor do you want to correct that person. Instead what you need to do is address the act or event that lead to the conflict, you can even correct the act or event that lead up to the issue.
Number two: Respond
When you are talking or discussing a problem with a family member, you need to fully listen and understand what they are saying. While they are talking, you need to avoid planning what you are going to do or say next, instead focus on what they are saying. No matter how tempted you might be, do not interrupt them, and never cut them off in your response. After they are done talking and you have understood what they have said, you can respond to what they have said. When talking to them make sure, you use a normal tone of voice and talk to them in a loving and respectful way.

Number three: Treating people
When dealing with family members you need to remember that you want to treat them the same way that you want to be treated. If you are rude and demeaning to family members you are going to offend them, but you also run the risk of having them treat you rudely. To ensure that you do not offend family members always be polite. Use words and phrases such as please, thank you, I am sorry, I was wrong, I love you, you're welcome, etc.
Number four: Disagreeing
You are not always going to agree with your family members, many times you and your family members are going to disagree about a variety of things. To ensure that you do not offend family members you need to be careful when disagreeing with them. When disagreeing with family members you want to learn how to disagree with them without being disagreeable. The best way to do that is to always be courteous and have good manners. Always make eye contact when you are talking to them and avoid being too blunt and dogmatic. Putting people down for their views is not going to help family members from being offended.
Number five: Talking
When you are talking to family members, you will need to watch what you are saying. You do not want to jump to conclusions because that can cause even more problems. When talking to your family members about something important repeat what was said so that you can verify the accuracy of what you heard. Doing this can also help you to understand what they are trying to tell you and help you talk to them in a way that they can understand. You want to avoid being rash with your words because one wrong word can offend somebody.

Sibling Rivalry Burdens

The children have erupted into another fight. Keep your cool. Sibling rivalry is quite common and usually results in fights. As long as your kids are generally happy and have a good relationship with each other, you have nothing to worry about. However, if sibling rivalry in your home is causing continuous unhappiness for one or more of your children, there are some things you can do about it. Rivalry, especially among siblings is caused by low self-esteem.

A child with sibling rivalry problems has low self-esteem and is dissatisfied with themselves. They look to their parents and siblings for validation. When a child doesn't have a very good view of themselves, they tend to believe others see them the same way and feel that others around them are better than they are. A child with low self-esteem is easily provoked and easily hurt by teasing, which happens among siblings on a regular basis. The teasing explodes into fighting when someone whose self-esteem is already low is pushed even lower.
So the question isn't what can you do about sibling rivalry, but what can you do to boost your child's self-esteem so he or she has a better relationship with their siblings? For a start, make sure all of your children receive sufficient love and one-on-one attention from you. Sufficient for one child may not be the same for another, so be sure to gauge if you are doing enough by talking to your spouse. Your spouse can sometimes see where a child needs more love or attention better than you may be able to when all you do is break up fights. Spend quality time with all of your children together and one-on-one time with all of your children separately. This makes them feel loved and accepted and also gives them a chance to open up about what may be bothering them.
When fights erupt, the worst thing you can do is scold or yell. You will be sorely tempted to lose your cool, but don't. A child whose self-esteem is low will not respond well to a parent yelling at them. You'll see more fighting, not less if you don't keep your temper when your children are fighting. When children fight, take them to separate rooms and let them cool off, then talk to them individually. Ask what they would advise if they had a friend in a similar situation. Ask what they think their sibling is thinking. Ask them what they are thinking. Once they are using their brain again rather than being run by emotion, you can bring them back together to resolve their argument peaceably. This doesn't work all the time, but the more involved you become with your children when they've been fighting, the less fighting they will do, unless they are fighting to get your attention. If that is the case, you need to go back to spending quality time with them.
Some sibling rivalry problems are actually a result of problems a child is having at school. A child knows he is in a loving and accepting environment at home, but school is a whole different ballgame. Your child can have great self-esteem at home, but when they get to school, their confidence is shot, which causes problems at home too. Go to your child's teacher and ask if your child is having problems. Ask what the teacher would do in your situation. Come up with a plan that involves your child's teacher helping to boost your child's self-esteem while they are at school.

Becoming the cool family in the neighborhood

Who doesn't want to be the cool family in the neighborhood? It is a great way to make new friends, to always know what your kids are up to, and to enjoy your free time. So, what can you do to become the "cool" family in the neighborhood? Try the following:

1. Be open to your neighbors. You can't be the cool family in the neighborhood if no one knows you. So, be the one to take the first step to get to know your neighbors. It is always a good idea to give them a call and invite them over for games, dessert, or some other activity. Additionally, be sure that you always say hi when you see them around the neighborhood, or out in public. Take the time to let them know that you notice them and care enough to acknowledge them and ask how they are doing. Getting to know them means asking questions and listening to the answers. If your neighbor says they have been out of town taking care of their sick parent, the next time you see them make sure you ask about that parent's health. People think you are cool if they feel appreciated and liked by you. So, be the cool family by being the kind of people that are open and inviting, and always welcoming people into your home, whether it is to have dinner with you, to talk about nothing, or to play a game of cards, etc.

2. Do not be judgmental. You can't be the cool family in the neighborhood if no one wants to be around you because they feel judged. If they feel looked down upon, or like you are scrutinizing their actions, they are going to avoid you. No one likes to feel like they are being looked down on. So, make sure that you are accepting of people and their differences. Sometimes this means accepting people of different race, culture, and belief into your home. You may have friends that are gay, that are Argentinean, that are from polygamist cults, or from small farm towns. The point is, you will never be the cool family if you judge people. It is okay to be somewhat exclusive, or keep people out of your home that may pose a risk to your family, etc. but it is not okay to place yourself above people. If you do, you won't be the cool family, you will be the stuck up family.
3. Be fun. Make your house fun. If you want to be the cool family, there has to be something that makes people want to spend time there. This might be a game room with pool, ping pong, and foosball, or it might just be that you play board games. The point is, you have to be fun people and make people want to be around you! Be nice, be attentive, and be genuine.
Being the cool house or the cool family is a matter of being the kind of people that others want to be around.

Can siblings be too close?

Being close to your siblings can be a great blessing. You live with them, and you are bound to them, so having a close relationship means a life long friend, and person to rely on. However, sometimes sibling relationships are just too close. So, how close is too close when it comes to siblings? Consider the following:

While it is great to share secrets and show affection to your siblings, if that secret involves sexual activity, and the closeness is incest, then it is simply too close. Incest is far more widespread than many believe, and can be as damaging, or more so than rape, and other sexually related activities, due to the nature of the relationships that are involved, as well as the way incest happens.
Incest is illegal in all of the states. It is slightly different when it comes to the definition, but the meaning is the same. It is illegal to be married to, co-inhabit, or have sexual relations with someone you are closely related to either by marriage, blood, or adoption. Many people justify their incestual behavior because they are not blood related, they are adopted, etc. However, by law, that is still incest. So be good friends with your adopted siblings, or step-siblings, but keep it as friends only.
Incest is most commonly perpetuated by males. A father or step-father with a daughter, or as mentioned, between siblings, commonly perpetuated by a brother. Like rape, there is typically a perpetrator, and a victim. However, it can be consensual, although this does not alleviate those involved from the legal consequences. Consensual or not, it is still illegal, and psychologically unhealthy.
Incest is an addictive activity, and it is found, that many who are involved in such relationships will be compulsive about it. While contact may be occasional, it can also be frequent. On average it goes on for four years. However, for some it is a one time incident. Either way, they are dangerous to your mental and physical health, and can be extremely difficult to move past, and regain a normal or healthy sexual outlook.
Incestual relationships are especially dangerous because unlike rape, and other illegal sexual activities, they do not typically begin with force or coercion. In fact, studies have shown that they typically start with an offer of affection, or an offer to educate someone, and escalate over the space of several years.
70-80% of those that participate in incest have been molested at some point, and it may be a result of their sexual frustration or confusion. Often psychological help is required to understand and move on.
So, being close to your siblings is a good thing, but remember that most cases of incest start innocently with high amounts of affection, and progress over time. Choose to be close, to get a long well, and have fun together, but keep that fun free of sexual relations.

Commitment

Commitment is a scary word to some people. Sometimes a person is not ready for commitment in a relationship, sometimes they just do not seem to understand exactly what a committed relationship is. This article discusses what commitment is, what a committed relationship is, and a few of the specifics about a committed relationship.

What is commitment?
Commitment is when a person does what they promise to do. So in a relationship, if the two people have decided that they will not date other people then for both of them to be committed neither person will date anyone else.
Unlike a promise, a commitment is not a situation specific thing. A promise is more of a little commitment and a commitment is something that a person does in any situation. For example, a committed couple will not promise not to date anyone else unless the other person they want to date has great hair.

What is a committed relationship?
This question can be a little difficult to answer. For most people, a married couple would be considered in a committed relationship. But even concerning a marriage relationship, some people in marriage do not have a committed attitude toward the relationship. And if they do not have a committed attitude about the marriage relationship they will generally display that attitude eventually.
For a couple to be in a committed relationship (whether they are dating, engaged, or married) each person in the relationship needs to be aware and understand that the relationship is a committed one. If one or both are unaware that the relationship is committed or wondering if it is, it is not a committed relationship.
Usually a couple will need to have a discussion concerning the whether or not their relationship is a committed one. For many people they refer to it as "the talk." This talk is when the relationship is discussed. If the couple has not had "the talk" yet, there is no guarantee that either person in the relationship understands whether or not it is a committed relationship.
If each person in the relationship has a different idea of how their relationship is or should be it is likely that the couple is not in a committed relationship. For a couple to be in a committed relationship they need to both be on the same page concerning their relationship. It is also a good idea for a couple to make their commitment official. If close friends and family members of the couple do not feel that the relationship is committed then it likely is not. But if a couple formalizes their relationship, they and others will know that they are committed to each other.

Some rules about a committed relationship
One of the main rules that applies to a committed relationship is that there are consequences when a partner does something wrong. For example, if a person cheats on their girlfriend or fiancé there should be consequence. Whereas, if a person goes on another date with someone different than the guy she is dating on and off, most people would not refer to that as cheating because the relationship is not a committed one.
A committed relationship takes time. A real committed relationship cannot be rushed. A couple will grow and evolve in a relationship and become committed to each other if the relationship is important enough to them. And just as a committed relationship takes time it also takes a lot of work. It is not easy. When the relationship hits a rocky point the couple does not just break up, they try hard to work through it.

Developing meaningful sibling relationships

Sibling relationships can be some of the most difficult to develop into strong, lasting, and meaningful relationships. You live in close contact with one another, you have to deal with rivalries and like situations, you are often forced into bonds with someone you may have never been friends with otherwise. Additionally, it can be difficult to get a good relationship going if you are older or younger than your sibling. There is hero-worship, the annoying younger sibling, or any number of other things that affect the way a sibling relationship develops. The following are some tips for developing a meaningful sibling relationship:

1. Spend time together. A lot of the times siblings live in the same house, and maybe eat dinner with each other over the same table, but when it comes to actual quality time together, many siblings are lacking. So, you have to make some plans to spend time together. You can sit at home on the couch to watch a movie together, or you can go out and do something together. Either way, spend some time.
2. Get to know them beyond the walls of the house. We often get to know our siblings in the context of the home, which can mean no love lost. You fight over chores, over items, and over attention, which is not something you do with friends because you do not have to share a bedroom, bathroom, or parent with your friends. So, plan some times when you can get out and have fun where yours, mine, and ours are not an issue.
3. Rely on one another. One of the biggest benefits of being siblings is having that bond that means you get to rely on one another, and that you have an unconditional type love. So, one of the best ways to develop meaningful relationships is to actually cash in on that, and rely on one another when you need to. Whether it is covering for each other to the parents, or knowing that they will spot you so can afford the movie for the weekend, or something more serious, rely on each other, and be reliable, and you will find a meaningful relationship comes much easier.
4. Play together. How do you bond with anyone, or create meaningful relationships with anyone? You do it by being together and having fun together. If you have a crazy fun experience, you will be able to draw from that when you hit some bad times, or need a friendship boost.
5. Talk, talk, talk. One of the greatest ways to develop meaningful sibling relationships is to talk. Talk about your goals, fears, loves, hates, etc. Make a habit of catching up daily, and checking on one another. This will help you stay connected, and know where you stand with each other.
Sibling relationships can be a lot of fun, especially because if you develop a good relationship it is like always being with your best friends.